Saturday, March 9, 2013

My Day with the Feast Beast

8:00 am:  "Hello Feast Beast, you are not coming with me today."  I spent the next 2 hours traveling to a meeting in Salt Lake.  So far, so good.

10:00 am:  At my meeting there was a bunch of fruit and bakery items layed out.  I originally picked up a reasonable amount and ate it.  I was hungry, this was good and okay.  But before I knew it, the Feast Beast was creeping into my thoughts, "That was good, Wendy, just have one more bagel.  It's going to taste so good."  Two more pieces of banana bread...then another bagel...banana bread...banana bread...you get the picture.  I was feeling insatiable.

12:30 pm:  The meeting over, I compulsively grabbed some more banana bread to put in my purse for the road, and we headed home to Logan.  We decided to eat in Brigham City at Maddox, which gave me over an hour to get the stuffed feeling out of me.  On the way, I would spot a McDonald's and I would think about the food there.  "Mmmm McDonald's sounds good."  Then we stopped at Target for a few minutes.  I walked past all the displays of Easter candy and I was attracted to each display.  I picked up different packages and looked each over and thought about how good each would taste, fighting with myself, wondering which choice would finally squelch my obsession, my drive to eat.  And then a moment of clarity and fight,  "No", I said out loud, "I will be eating lunch soon, I don't need a bag of Reece's Eggs".  I wasn't hungry.

2:30 pm:  At Maddox now, and still stuffed from all the breakfast I ate, I would continue to eat.  "You are at Maddox, Wendy.  Eat up, this is good food."  I would eat a bunch of those yummy, warm, fresh rolls and actually, finally be too full to eat my main meal.

3:30 pm:  I told myself that I could start over right now and just eat when I'm hungry and keep good food around me.  I pulled into the grocery store to get some hamburger and guess who is at the entrance?  Girl Scouts selling Girl Scout cookies.  Feast Beast:  "You need to support the Girl Scouts and buy some cookies.  You'll be able to eat them in moderation.  It's okay." I believed the lie and bought 3 boxes.  (I'll later put them in the freezer believing that will be a deterrent, and subsequently eat them all the next afternoon.)

6:00 pm:  I spent the evening visiting with friends, eating carmel and cheese popcorn constantly for the next 2 hours.  I would also eat dinner and dessert on top of that, stuffing cookies and donuts into my mouth without hesitation.

10:30 pm:  And here I sit with a day of regrets and guilt.  I've lost 50 pounds, but I'm not going to maintain that having days like this.